Midnight Musings

When I was a kid, whenever I was going through a time that was confusing and I didn’t know who to believe, I had this fantasy that someone (usually an all-knowing and nurturing God-like figure) would find me and explain everything to me. God would tell me why groups of good and reasonable people would flatly contradict each other and insist that their side was the only right side. God would also explain to me why I was experiencing this confusion and what I would learn from it. Finally, God would tell me what the right side was, and I would choose that and I wouldn’t have to second-guess my choice because I would know, without a doubt, that it was right.

Albert Camus is quoted as saying, “The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind.”

One of the things that I’ve had trouble getting over is the fact that there is no God-figure that is going to appear and explain everything to me. I’m going to have to make my own decisions, based on the information that I have. Sometimes I am going to make the right decision. Other times I am going to be completely wrong. Sometimes I’ll never know for sure.

And that’s okay. That’s another thing I’ve had trouble understanding—I don’t always have to be right. It’s okay for me to be wrong. I am allowed to change my mind. The only way that I truly could be wrong would be to cling desperately and inflexibly to something that is unreasonable or untrue and insist that it is right. As long as I’m willing to learn from my mistakes, I’m allowed to screw up royally.

And yet I still need to be right, which often leaves me feeling confused instead of right. When I need to be right, there’s a lot of pressure on me to make a decision. And once I make that decision, my focus tends to be on proving to myself that I did make the right decision. But this really isn’t the best mindset to have.

I’ve found that when I just relax, tell myself that I’m making the best decision that I can make, and that I am free to change my mind later, I feel less confused. I also tend to feel less worried about defending my choice and my ego. Ironically, when I don’t worry about making the right decision, the decision that I make tends to feel like the right one.

I don’t know if any of this makes any sense. If it doesn’t, I apologize. Happy 4th of July, everybody!